The hot second day of work

It has been hot. I have been having headaches after work and perhaps I am just stressed about starting a new job. Yesterday, I fell asleep at 7pm because I was so tired! So Dennis left and I woke up at 8.30 pm feeling sad, dark and alone. And I was scared. I told myself that this time round, with this job, it is not hard, so I should not be scared. But my over perfectionistic self that wanted everything to go right would not comply, and I was feeling over anxious. I always think I have "something"- like an anxiety problem, but Dennis feels that it is because I am very cautious and aware of workplace dynamics. He sees things in such a good light, and I wanted to talk to him badly because I knew I was not seeing perspective.

To be honest, I felt quite sad that I only got 20+ kids because that's half a full timer's work. One of the reasons I walked from Swan team is because they could only offer me 20 kids as well!! If I had known the amount of change this was going to take, I would certainly have honestly kept my Joondalup job!!!! But I know that God has His time and His ways. I cannot deny that this is His move not mine, and thus He must supply me all I need.

Dennis came back to see me because I woke up, and we walked to G'fun (anyone know what that stands for?!?!?) to eat a sago dessert. I felt better after we talked and everything came into perspective. Things are not good, or bad, they are. And also, God has His plan and time. God has something for me to learn that I can grow from!

Thank you for helping me to remember this.

The days before yesterday

Your yesterdays are all boxed up
and neatly put away.

I know that you are not proud of your past.

I thought that you had let me in, but today you told me while we were talking that you were actually scared to let me know too much, in case I measured you by your past and checked you over like a medical.

Today, you let me in.

Thank you. You made it real, you became so real, and I saw you for who you are. I am ok with who you are. I like who you are. And who you are is changing too, because God is working on you. I will continue to like who you are.

I am never too proud of who I am because I feel like I can be very challenging for you, more than you are for me. But today, I felt like you gave me a chance to share in you, to extend my bargain side of unconditionality. I hope I did ok.

I cried for the regret you had, and part of me wants to charge in, guns blazing, and write an end to the sad story. I want to twist her arm and make her. But you have the foresight and the patience to know that change does not come straight away. And I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of being able to make you suffer. I don't want her to know that deep down inside you feel badly about it, I don't want her to know that it showed on your face. Let me hold you in my arms when you do remember, but I won't give her the satisfaction of thinking she yields the power to inflict even discomfort.

The past is such an uncomfortable place for you, and it is like a piece of heaven to me. Our pasts are different. But please understand how important it is for me to understand yesterday's you. Understanding fundamentals helps me to understand the present and the future. And when you became real to me, I connected with you in a really deep way. In a way I had connected with other good friends. In a philosophically deep and unspeakable way. In a way where we could nod, but not explain ourselves. When I come to this place, I do not need my words anymore. But the words are the mountain I climb to reach it.

I guess the Na'vi say it the best, and there is really no english word for it. I've seen you tonight. and in 10 months, I will know you (in the biblical sense of the word). I'm ready to connect. I know it's for life.

o

December is the Summer of Love

2 people have already gone and gotten themselves engaged this month! I am very excited for them both- Steph fulfills the mandate of new graduates in DSC north- engaged! And Lydia is stepping in time with rhythm to be married a month after me!!

We spent some of December at the beach getting a beautiful tan! Dennis is bent on building up his muscles, and I am trying to catch up by losing some weight.. Obviously, he is winning...

Also, my Birthday at Noel Cafe in Fremantle with my parents. We had the most awesome food and then went to watch Libby Hammer sing at the Fremantle arts centre.

As Ris Low says: BEE GEE NEE!!!!!

Happy New Year everyone!

November

It's november and much has happened. We have filed our notice of marriage and in the times when I was the most tired, he was a great support to me. I think we have grown closer and some of our sharp edges are not as painful to each other anymore. This month makes it a year to go till we marry n I like where we are. I have truly never met anyone as sacrificially loving as he is. I thank my Lord for this day and for my man.

City to Surf

Today, I ran the 4 km city to surf. Dennis drove me there and also waited for me at the finish! :) He was really supportive. When we got home, we were so tired we just slept! And then got up to make pottery. He made a mug today and I made a bowl with a lid to hold garlic. I hope they turn out well!

Will we get old and one day just lose our colour, feelings, sentimentality, thoughts, heartbeat and zeal for life?

I hope that never is your answer!

pottery wheel

We have rented a pottery wheel! I am very happy about it. hahaha.

Well, I think the idea is to become good at it now.

We also cooked this morning. I cooked sambal brinjal and he cooked pork patties for his own lunches. I also cooked soba and tempura for lunch this afternoon. It has been a normal saturday full of cooking and I like the way it has been. I feel clever and he feels bright.

Quick, ask us where we work!

It has been fairly amusing to work in the same company for about a month now.

Internal mail is fairly efficient.

Today, I walked over to his office and said, "Lunch?"

His boss looked flabberghasted, as if i was an over-friendly, socially challenged asian girl.

Dennis said, "Thats my fiancee".

I gave up my hotdesk to Rosie and worked in Dennis' office for part of the afternoon. It's not really fun to work with Dennis, because we can't talk about anything work related (no common ground). But it was nice since we left at 3 and got to go out somewhere special!

We went to get 3 cakes at applecross from cakes delight- matcha, mocha and pear william. Funny how if u say matcha then mocha, the mocha comes out wrong. It was delightful. We sat in Cafe Noel with the cakes and a chocolate mint smoothie and green tea frappe and ate our cakes. Then we drove to murdoch to pick up Dennis' car and drop mine off- he will send me back there later and it won't be such a long drive home for him.

The worst compliment Dennis has paid me so far is, "If I was an employer, I would definitely employ you." Also goes along with things like, "If I was a traffic light, i would turn green for you."