The days before yesterday

Your yesterdays are all boxed up
and neatly put away.

I know that you are not proud of your past.

I thought that you had let me in, but today you told me while we were talking that you were actually scared to let me know too much, in case I measured you by your past and checked you over like a medical.

Today, you let me in.

Thank you. You made it real, you became so real, and I saw you for who you are. I am ok with who you are. I like who you are. And who you are is changing too, because God is working on you. I will continue to like who you are.

I am never too proud of who I am because I feel like I can be very challenging for you, more than you are for me. But today, I felt like you gave me a chance to share in you, to extend my bargain side of unconditionality. I hope I did ok.

I cried for the regret you had, and part of me wants to charge in, guns blazing, and write an end to the sad story. I want to twist her arm and make her. But you have the foresight and the patience to know that change does not come straight away. And I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of being able to make you suffer. I don't want her to know that deep down inside you feel badly about it, I don't want her to know that it showed on your face. Let me hold you in my arms when you do remember, but I won't give her the satisfaction of thinking she yields the power to inflict even discomfort.

The past is such an uncomfortable place for you, and it is like a piece of heaven to me. Our pasts are different. But please understand how important it is for me to understand yesterday's you. Understanding fundamentals helps me to understand the present and the future. And when you became real to me, I connected with you in a really deep way. In a way I had connected with other good friends. In a philosophically deep and unspeakable way. In a way where we could nod, but not explain ourselves. When I come to this place, I do not need my words anymore. But the words are the mountain I climb to reach it.

I guess the Na'vi say it the best, and there is really no english word for it. I've seen you tonight. and in 10 months, I will know you (in the biblical sense of the word). I'm ready to connect. I know it's for life.

o